RUN!

Hi friends.

Have finally managed to score some time on a computer that uses a European keyboard and a german operating system. For some reason, this means it randomly inserts the letter z into everything. It is pretty awesome. So, to begin, Bangkok.

We got off the aeroplane, a seven and a half hour flight during which I sat behind nine of the worst behaved children I have ever encountered in my entire life, to sweltering heat. Bangkok hits you like a wave a ash and sweat. Within seconds I had managed to take my jumper off, while Laura (being somewhat more prepared) had managed to get down to a tank top and tinsy tiny shorts. We wandered outside to try and find a cab, and within moments were ambushed by what felt like were 1,500 Thai men all vying for our attention. It didn’t help that I reduced to a quivering mess on the floor of the terminal, leaving Laura to save the day.

Within seconds she had decided (from a reputable source) that we should pay no more than 400 baht for the trip to our hotel. I was so overwhelmed by the rush of tiny men with intimidating stares that I was willing to pay the 1,200 they originally asked for. Obviously none of you informed me of the magic of bartering. This came to a stunning conclusion when I turned to Laura and said ‘Laura! You’re being really mean to these people!!’ She did not respond positively. Next thing I know we’re downstairs in a 400 baht cab on the way our hotel, me with nothing but my words to eat.

My intense fears that we would end up in some tiny shanty house like the millions we saw on the drive through Bangkok was qwelled somewhat when we pulled up at a lavish hotel complete with private entrace driveway and a whole lot of fake gold finishes. We wandered up to our room, threw our bags down, peeled off our filthy flight / swear clothes and made our way to the main street. I had heard of Took-tooks from Cam, tiny four wheel motorbikes that unwitting tourists step into to get around town for little to no money. There was, however, a catch.

The drivers do not know the road rules.

What had started as an innocent fun ride, our hair back, our faces shining as we giggled through the traffic turned into something more sinister as we realised the endearing little Thai man didn’t seem to be taking us anywhere. As the giggles turned to nervous half-smiles and then to no smiles and then to ‘oh my god is he going to eat us???’, we pulled into what looked like a drive through butcher. A man jumped on the side of the car and Laura looked as though she was about to faint. It was pretty awesome. Turned out it was a Thai resturaunt, and, after two 700ml Asahi’s, I was more than willing to break my earlier rule about not eating anything. And the food was delicious. It became less delicious when I woke up a few hours later realising that the dream I was having about my stomach hurting was actually just my stomach hurting. I prayed to whatever God hangs out in Thailand that if he made me not sick I would marry a girl and get a reputable career as a businessman. And it worked! For some reason the pain subsided, and I was a ok.

The next day we woke up about 9am, got a cab (no more Took-tooks) to the local shopping centre, and somehow got taken to a massive jewelery store. Turns out the drivers get a commission if they take you to their ’sponsors’ store, and so Laura and I somehow endured 35 minutes of a small roundish Thai woman asking me repeated why I wasn’t buying my pretty girlfriend an engagement ring. I resisted the urge to the tell the small roundish Thai woman that she had more chance of me joining a circus of performing monkeys, and Laura saved the day by pulling out the front door and running for cover.

From there Bangkok got all a bit too much for me, with the exception of the oh so fabulous lady boy who sold Laura her new sneakers. So instead of seeing a movie to pass time until our flight, Laura rebooked our hotel room so we could lounge around with our getting harrassed for a couple of hours. We had some sleep, I played some gameboy and we high-tailed it our of Thailand on a much classier airline.

So, after drinking far too many minature bottles of red wine and giggling at ‘Blades of Glory’ at 2am on my tiny video screen, we arrived in Zurich, changed flights to Hamburg, and then got to meet Laura’s great aunt and uncle, Max and Hildegarde. And good LORD people, Germany is so amazingly pretty and amazing.

So, much love (for you, certainly not for Bangkok) and I will speak to soon!

Caio kittens, Dave.

PS: Have yet to work out spell check and proper photo uploading, but will come back to you with something good soon! Also, Laura had a fairly less dramatic response to Thailand, so I speak only for myself when I say I totally didn’t cope with it.